The Fifteen Year Plan
by CaptainKrueger
Summary: Yugi accepts when Ryou asks him out on a date. He has no idea what he's in for. T for language. One sided Heartshipping. Unstable!Ryou. Rating will go up for violence. Hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Right, so this is based off a long running inside joke between user Cedareye and me. Originally, it started out as me talking about a cutsey Heartshipping fic I wanted to write, and Cedareye jokingly added dialogue, I returned it, this went back and forth, and the original cutesy idea turned into something much, much more insidious. Most of this fic is based off basically spur of the moment RPs we've had while hanging out with our social group, much to our friends' amusement, occasional confusion, and even participation. I have decided that it would be fun to take this long and complex inside joke, condense it to make it accessible for everyone, and make it into a fic. This is an AU that features often outrageous, unrealistic humor, tweaked character personalities and relationships, and what could only be described as a character assassination of Ryou Bakura. ****Oh, there are also mentions of Seth Rogen in this fic, but that is based on another inside joke that will never, ever make its way onto this site. I can give you a quick answer if you're curious enough to message me about it.**

**So anyhoo, this is dedicated to Cedareye, who I know is going to get the most enjoyment out of this fic. I'd like to thank her for her constant support.**

* * *

They're huddled under her bright blue umbrella because he figured the rain would be finish itself off while they were in classes, and now his and Anzu's bodies are pressed close to each other. He may be small, and she may possess the slender body of a dancer, yet rain still manages to fall onto their coat sleeves. She's stepping lightly, carefully, so she doesn't end up soaking her thin school issued loafers in a puddle. Yugi looks up at her, takes note of the concentration on her face, and he smiles, amused with how seriously she's taking this task.

He strikes up conversation with her, effectively taking her mind off scanning the roads with the type of stoic-faced somberness reserved for a guard on duty, and soon they're chatting about the everyday subjects of classes, the workload, and planning for their free time. It causes her to smile, and that's enough for him.

* * *

Ryou rounds the street corner and looks up from the wet ground to look ahead, and sees them together. "Sharing an umbrella," he muses. "Gross."

He frowns and his grip on his umbrella's handle tightens, and he feels like he would enjoy nothing more than to run up and snatch a clump of her mousy hair off her scalp, but no. Now is not the time.

He purses his lips and crosses the street.

* * *

He enters the quiet apartment and puts up his umbrella in the container located by the front door. He looks around and finds no one occupying the tiny kitchen or the living room. He cups his hand around his mouth and calls out, "Dad?"

"Leave me alone! I'm working on my book," yells his father from the study.

Ryou sighs and kneels to unlace his shoes, sniffling, but he soon stops himself. Once his shoes are off, he pads over to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea to warm himself up. He sits down at the kitchen table, looks around cautiously to make sure that his father hasn't left the study, and he pulls out his wallet. In the first pocket, the space normally reserved for IDs and such, is a picture of a chubby redheaded man with a round face and stubbly facial hair. The man is shirtless and sitting practically on top of the handlebars of a motorcycle, and looking at the camera in a sexy, surprised way, his mouth making a perfect O shape. Ryou gently caresses the picture with his fingertips, sighing wistfully.

"Oh, Seth Rogen," he murmurs. "If only we didn't live in two different continents; I would surely make you mine if it weren't for that pesky detail."

Ryou's lower lip trembles, and he closes his eyes, taking in a trembling breath. "No," he whispers to himself. "No, no tears. No crying."

He plants a kiss on the picture's lips, then carefully closes his wallet. "I can't have Seth Rogen," he muses, setting his wallet down onto the table and staring off with grim determination, "but I _will_ find someone who will love me. I have to. Before it's too late!"

The kettle whistles shrilly, breaking Ryou out his private moment; Ryou shrieks and flails his whole body in his surprise, causing his chair to fall back.

"Ow!"

* * *

He isn't sure how it happened, but somehow their conversation during study hall turned to relationships. She mentioned how a random boy in one of her classes asked her out on a date, and how she had turned him down.

She sits slumped over her desk, her cheek resting in her hand, and she stares pensively at the blackboard. She sighs, and Yugi wishes that he could do something to make her feel better. "I don't even know him," she murmurs, more to herself than to him. "And besides, I don't think I could even handle dating someone right now."

He nods and makes a sound of acknowledgement, but inside he is wilting.

* * *

About a month after their small talk, he finds Anzu and Jounouchi on the school rooftop, standing by the chain-link fence, laughing quietly and making each other blush. At first, he doesn't think much of it, as maybe Jounouchi had shared a dirty joke, but then he realizes that Anzu would protest something so vulgar, and it takes much more than a lewd joke to make someone like Jounouchi blush.

Then he sees their foreheads touch and their eyes close, and Jounouchi murmurs something softly so that only Anzu can hear, and that's when Yugi realizes that he should just go back inside. They don't need to be bothered right now.

* * *

He sees them in study hall; he sees Anzu leaning across Jounouchi's desk and Jounouchi whispering things in her ear. A look of despair settles onto Yugi's face, and he looks down at his desk, trying to steady a trembling lower lip. He's not going to cry, not in front of everyone in this room. He lets out a tremulous breath and sets his forehead down on his desk. He feels as if the entirety of his chest is trying to squeeze itself into the smallest ball possible, smaller than he could ever comprehend, and this horrible feeling has him taking in small gasps of air, as the pain is almost too much. He respects Anzu's decisions, and he wants her to be happy, and he knows that he will never make the pain of her and Jounouchi's relationship known to them, but it hurts. It hurts so, so much, knowing that the one he wants is so far away from him, at least romantically speaking. Maybe it's knowing that Anzu doesn't want to be with him, but Yugi finds himself feeling, in this very moment, that no one could ever want someone like him. He's not strong, handsome, smart, good at sports, or even charming; what does he have going for him, to make him appear desirable to someone else? Nothing, really.

His moment of self-pity is interrupted by a soft voice uttering his name, "Yugi?"

Yugi does not lift his head.

"Yugi?"

Yugi groans. It sounds like Ryou. He lifts his head and shakes his hair in place, looking up at the pale youth. What does he want? "Yes, Ryou?"

Ryou lifts his hand up to his collarbone and tugs on a lock of white hair. "Yugi, um..." Ryou looks down at the ground and bites his lip; Yugi wonders why Ryou looks so nervous. "Um, I was wondering if, um..."

Yugi blinks; Ryou continues to stare at the ground. "Yes?" Yugi asks, remaining patient.

Ryou sucks in a breath of air and finally looks Yugi in the eye. "I was wondering if you would like to go on a date. With me."

Yugi blinks. Did he have some kind of deity looking down upon him, reading his mind, trying to prove him wrong? "Oh," he says dumbly. "You were?"

Ryou nods. "Mm," he replies affirmatively.

Yugi swallows and feels his face heating up. "W-what did you have in mind?"

"Movie and then dinner," Ryou answers.

A smile twitches at the corners of Yugi's lips. "Oh?" he asks. "Not dinner and then a movie?"

"No, because that's too cliche," Ryou replied, shaking his head.

Yugi chuckles once. "Well," he replies, then licks his lips. Wow, oh, wow. Somebody is asking him out on a date. What a nice turn of events. "That sounds nice, Ryou. It really does."

* * *

"Dad!" Ryou calls as he enters the apartment he shares with his father.

"What the hell do you want?" his father yells from the study.

"I got a date!" Ryou squeals triumphantly.

"Like I give a rat's ass!"

Ryou's grin falls, and his shoulders slump. "Oh," he says quietly. "O-okay, Dad."

Ryou enters the kitchen and sets the kettle full of water on the stove. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket while he waits, and presses the button for his older brother's speed dial.

"Yeah?" Bakura growls when he finally picks up.

"Onii-chan!"

"I thought I told you to never call me that," Bakura snarls menacingly.

"And I thought I told you that I don't care!" Ryou replies brightly.

"Ass."

"Anyhoooo," Ryou drawls, opening up the cabinet and considering his options. "I called to tell you that I have a date!"

A few moments of silence elapse, but for the sound of a few dozen tablets rattling in a plastic bottle and Bakura swallowing a mouthful of a liquid. After that, more silence.

"Onii-chan?" Ryou asks. "Are you still there?"

"I was sleeping, you know," Bakura mutters balefully. "I was sleeping because, you know, I work the night shift. I had a full hour of sleep left before you called me to tell me about your dumbass date that I couldn't give a single shit about if I tried."

"That is all true," Ryou agrees, grabbing the box of jasmine tea. "But you left your phone on, and you decided to answer."

"I thought you might have been my boss. Bosses can call you in early because you don't matter in the working world. You know that, right?"

"Uh, there is a thing called caller ID, onii-chan," Ryou says sweetly, plopping a tea bag of jasmine ahead of time into his favorite mug, which had a photo of Seth Rogen on it. "You know that, right?"

"Damn it all, I should block you!" Bakura shouts.

"Yet you don't," Ryou replies.

"Go jump off a cliff, you shit stick!"

"Love you, too, onii-chan," Ryou chimes.

"And stop calling me that, you little—"

But Ryou had already hung up.

Ryou smiles as he leans against the table while he waits for the water to come to a boil. His smile starts to wilt, so he pulls out his wallet to cheer himself up by looking upon the picture of Seth Rogen he keeps in it. "You're excited for me, aren't you, Seth Rogen?"

Seth Rogen does not reply, just continues to stare at him in that surprised manner of his, but that's okay because that means that he could never say hurtful things to Ryou.

Not like everyone else.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm going to admit something to you guys. There are so many lyrics from "Blank Space" by Taylor Swift that I was so tempted to use in the description. You don't even know.**

**Also, Ryou's wallet picture of Seth Rogen is from his and James Franco's shot for shot remake of "Bound 2" by Kanye West. I recommend checking it out for a good laugh, if you haven't seen it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Yes, Ryou is crazy in this fic. If you had any doubts, this is me telling you: YES, RYOU BAKURA IS CRAZY IN THIS STORY.**

**HE IS CRAZY.**

**CRAZY.**

**CRAAAAAZYYYY.**

**Ahem.**

**Also, another note. I don't know anything about how foreign films work in Japan, but this isn't going to be the most...realistic story, so it really doesn't matter.**

* * *

Atem sits on the living room couch, doing homework whilst a quiz show plays on the TV for background noise. Yugi steps out of his room, dressed and ready for his and Ryou's date. Atem looks over at Yugi disinterestedly and quirks an eyebrow. "Why are you dressed up so nicely?" he asks, referring to the dark gray jacket and black boots their mother had bought for Yugi just the other day.

"I'm—I'm going out," Yugi replies, startled at his older brother's sudden interest in his personal life.

"Hm," Atem replies with about the same interest he would if someone told him that there is a difference between teal and blue-green. "With whom?"

"A friend," Yugi replies hurriedly. He hopes that Atem doesn't ask exactly who it is he's going out with, since Yugi has never mentioned Ryou to his family once, nor have they met him like Honda, Anzu, or Jounouchi. Really, he can't even call Ryou a friend, he supposes, since they only ever talk in passing during school.

Atem grunts in response, since most of his attention is already redirected to his textbook and notebook paper. "Well, have fun," he mutters distractedly, really doing it to be polite.

"Will do!"

Yugi runs down the stairs and through the game shop until he's safe outside on the front porch. He lets out a gust of air as he leans against the closed door for support. His heart beats quickly, and it isn't just because he'd just stopped running. He's never been on a date before, so he isn't sure what to expect.

Yugi looks down at his wristwatch, calculating how much time til Ryou is supposed arrive. Ryou said he would pick him up, and Yugi does not know if that means just walking with him to the movie theater, or showing up with some form of transportation.

Five more minutes.

Yugi rocks on his toes and starts whistling to keep himself occupied. He wonders what kind of movie they'll be seeing; Ryou just said that he wanted it to be a surprise.

Five minutes of waiting pass before Yugi hears a high pitched hum coming towards him. Yugi squints and sees Ryou driving towards him on a glossy white scooter decorated with pink and silver leopard print.

Yugi blinks, trying to take it all in.

Ryou comes to a squealing halt and looks at him behind his large black sunglasses, which will be nothing but a driving danger once dusk transitions into night.

Yugi coughs. "Um," he says, noting Ryou's crisply pleated pants, white loafers, and overly large scarf tied fashionably around his neck in some kind of knot that Yugi cannot name. "Hi, Ryou."

"Hi, Yugi," Ryou says smoothly, a completely different person than the one he had been when he'd asked Yugi out. "Are you ready to go?"

"Um, yeah," Yugi says, stepping forward and lifting himself up onto the seat behind Ryou.

"Don't forget to put on your helmet," Ryou reminds him, gesturing to the box built into the side of the scooter.

"Right," Yugi says, taking out a periwinkle blue helmet that has a purple colored cat printed on it.

"Wouldn't want to spill your brains out onto the street if we got in an accident."

"Um, right. Right," Yugi says, uncomfortable with the imagery that Ryou has provided him, but still fitting the helmet onto his head after struggling to get his hair to fit inside.

"Because that would be unfortunate."

"Yeah."

"And I'd have to tell your family about your untimely death."

"Uh-huh."

"And I'd have to give a eugoogly at your funeral."

"Don't you mean eulogy?"

"Um, no," Ryou says tartly. "I'm pretty sure it's eugoogly."

"Okay, Ryou," Yugi says hesitantly, not wanting to start an argument over a stupid word.

"And it would be really tough to give a eugoogly at your funeral because I'd be too busy crying."

"Riiight," Yugi says slowly. He looks back down at his watch. "Um, Ryou, when did you say the movie started?"

"Oh!" Ryou exclaims, then revs the scooter's engines. He takes off at a brisk speed, barely giving time for Yugi to grab onto something. "You know, you can put your arms around my waist, Yugi. I won't mind."

"Um, that's okay, Ryou," Yugi replies. "I'm fine this way."

"Suit yourself," Ryou answers.

They pass through the empty neighborhoods with no problem, but eventually they come upon a busy intersection and have to wait at the red light. Ryou decides that the best way to pass the sixty seconds is to take out his phone and take an Instagram picture. "Smile, Yugi," Ryou trills, holding up his phone. Peaking around Ryou's shoulder, Yugi can tell that Ryou has a large, cheesy grin on his face because he has the front facing camera option pulled up on his phone. Since he's worried about the light changing to green, Yugi isn't concerned about smiling for the picture, and Ryou doesn't seem to notice or care, since he still takes the picture anyway.

The light changes back to green whilst Ryou enters in a dozen hashtags, and Yugi doesn't have enough time to warn him before cars behind him start honking.

"All right, all right!" Ryou squeals, taking off. "Geez, people are so impatient!"

Yugi clamps his teeth together so he doesn't say anything to further upset Ryou, even though he really wants to say, "They have the right, you know ."

"Oh, Yugi," Ryou says, turning his head to look back at Yugi.

"EYES ON THE ROAD!"

"Oh! Right!" Ryou agrees, then complies. "Anyway, Yugi, the movie theater is forty-five minutes away. I hope that isn't a problem."

Yugi sighs, and they continue on their way to the theater that is so far away, to see a movie that Yugi knows nothing about.

* * *

The next day, Yugi walks along the long ago memorized path to Anzu's house, keeping his head down as he stares at the ground, brow furrowed. What thoroughly unenjoyable time. He'd told himself that even though their date had begun awkwardly, things could still pick up once they got to the movie theater. However, Ryou had insisted on taking a picture while they waited in line for their tickets, a picture of their tickets, a picture while they waited in line for concessions, a picture for when they sat down in their seats, and also a picture for when they'd left the theater. He'd also insisted on running ahead of Yugi so he could hold doors open for him, to which Yugi had laughed sheepishly and said he didn't have to go to the trouble.

"Oh, but of course I do, Yuuugi! It's what a true gentleman does for his date."

Yugi thought, at the very least, that maybe the movie would be entertaining.

Not really.

It was an American import—an American movie with a limited release in Japan, which was why Ryou had to take them to a theater so far away because their local theater didn't show foreign movies.

"Okay, now that we're here, I can tell you a little about the movie," Ryou told Yugi in hushed tones, so as not to disturb the other audience members while they waited for the movie to begin. "It's a Seth Rogen movie! Seth Rogen is one of my favorite American actors, along with Ben Stiller and Will Ferrell! This movie is gonna be great, Yugi! You're gonna love it! Every movie Seth Rogen is in makes me laugh!"

Maybe it was a cultural difference, but Yugi did not see the appeal in the movie that he and Ryou saw. Apparently the film makers expected the audience to believe that Seth Rogen's character, a schlubby, awkward mail man with no redeeming characteristics whatsoever, was somehow able to win the attentions of a beautiful actress that was a better person than he was and _completely_ out of his league. The movie was chock full of gross out humor and slapstick, neither of which appealed to Yugi's sense of humor, yet Ryou was having the time of his life, just so long as Seth Rogen was delivering the laughs. Then there was a sex scene that showed off Rogen's hairy, large body, and Yugi had to look away while Ryou was containing his squeals within his fists.

Getting to the movie had been unpleasant, the movie had been a bust, but Yugi had been sure that dinner would make up for the rest of the night, would redeem this date from hell. Again, not really.

Ryou had decided to take Yugi to a restaurant that was nearby since they were both hungry, and he'd insisted on running to the front door of the establishment and holding it open for Yugi right after he'd dismounted his scooter. Ryou grinned while he waited for Yugi, and Yugi stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiled at Ryou forcefully, though his shoulders slumped.

They were seated at a booth, and Ryou babbled about the movie while Yugi tried to tune him out so he could read the menu.

"Seth Rogen was really good, Yugi, don't you think?"

"Mm."

"But he's always really good. I've seen most of his movies, you know. I need to see this show he was on years ago. I've heard it's really good. And even if I don't like it and only watch it for Seth Rogen, it's not that long since it got canceled."

"Mm."

Ryou took a loud slurp of his water. He continued to prattle on while Yugi hid behind his menu so Ryou couldn't see the pained expressions he was making while they waited for their waiter to take their order.

The rest of dinner continued on like that: Ryou did all the talking and Yugi kept his head down, remaining quiet while he ate his food as quickly as he could without being too obvious about it. It didn't matter, however, since Ryou seemed oblivious, anyway.

And the nightmare finally ended when Ryou finally brought Yugi home—or at least he'd hoped so. Ryou had decided that Yugi couldn't manage the twenty steps to the front door, and so he'd walked him there, keeping a hand on his shoulder. Yugi, keys at the ready, hurriedly unlocked the door, but knew that it would be impolite to enter his home without saying good night. So he swallowed the uneasy feeling lodged his throat, turned around, and looked up at his classmate.

"Well, thanks for taking me out, Ryou. I had...fun."

"Good night, Yugi," Ryou cooed then, to Yugi's horror, placed his forehead on Yugi's.

Ryou stood there, forehead still touching Yugi's, murmuring something under his breath, while Yugi squeezed his eyes shut and waited for it to be over.

Eventually Ryou pulled back, smiled at him, then returned to his scooter, starting the engine and riding; Yugi waved awkwardly while his classmate rode off into the night, singing to himself. "I been on, I been on, I been on. Tell me who gon' take me off, take me off, take me off..."

Yugi pulls himself out of his thoughts and looks ahead. It was a bad date, yes, but he was not going to let it keep him down. After all, he was going to Anzu's house, and they were going to spend some time _together_, no Jounouchi in sight.

Yugi hears a scooter coming from behind him just as he's berating himself for thinking such a thing. He turns his head around and sees Ryou driving. Yugi comes to a stop, sighing, figuring that Ryou will want to talk to him.

The scooter stops abruptly with a screech. Ryou grins at him as he takes off his helmet and sets it down. "Hi, Yugi," he chirps, dismounting.

Yugi forces himself to smile.

"So last night was fun," Ryou opines, walking up to Yugi and coming to a stop in front of him.

"Uh, yeah," Yugi mumbles, staring at the ground.

"I think we should do it again, Yugi," Ryou continues.

Yugi's head snaps up and he swallows nervously. "Um, I don't think that's a good idea," he replies as gently as he can manage.

"What?" Ryou exclaims, mouth left agape. "Why not?"

"I just don't...want to."

"Really?" Ryou screams.

Yugi looks up at him apologetically under his bangs. "Yeaaah," he murmurs, scuffing his shoe on the sidewalk.

"But I want us to go out again!" Ryou wails, startling Yugi.

"Well, I don't," Yugi replies plainly.

"But I want us to be boyfriends!"

"Yeah, well, I don't."

"But why?" Ryou takes in a trembling breath. He stares at the ground, face getting progressively redder, fists clenching. "Why won't you be mine, Yugi?"

"Because I'm not interested in you, Ryou," Yugi replies, forcing himself to keep his tone steady. "We went on a date, and I just wasn't into it. We—we lack chemistry, Ryou."

"It was just the first date, Yugi," Ryou responds, lifting his head up so he can look into Yugi's eyes. Ryou's face is still red, and his chin and lower lip are trembling. Ryou looks like he's about to cry, his lip is indicative of that, but it doesn't look like he's about to cry from heartbreak. No, with the way Ryou looks at him—a frantic, desperate look in his eyes that sends a chill down Yugi's spine—Yugi knows that it is an overflow of fury that threatens to make Ryou cry. Ryou roughly wipes at his face and and presses on. "First dates are always awkward. You and I were just nervous."

"Well, I wasn't," Yugi replies, trying to surreptitiously look at his surroundings. As they speak, Yugi is already calculating his routes of escape, taking note of the lack of people on the street. Ryou continues to look at him with the white hot fury in his eyes, and Yugi's pulse quickens. "I was—I was weirded out, Ryou. I didn't have a good time."

"Sure you did!"

Yugi bites back a scoff; he has a feeling that Ryou wouldn't like that kind of response. "No, I didn't. And if you'd actually cared enough to pay attention to how I was the whole time, you'd know that. Let it go, Ryou."

"No!" Ryou explodes; Yugi takes a step back. "No! No, no, no! This isn't how it's supposed to be, Yugi! You and I were supposed to go on that date, you were supposed to be won over by my charm, and then we would have gone on more dates. We'd take it slow, because I am a true gentleman, and then I would eventually ask you to be my boyfriend after ten dates spread out over an even period of time."

"I—" Yugi blinks, brow furrowing. "You've—you've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

"Of course I have! I planned this years ago!" Ryou wails, throwing his hands out to the side. "I have a fifteen year plan, Yugi!"

"A-a what?"

"A fifteen year plan. Starting when I turned sixteen, up until I die at thirty-one years of age—"

"Wait a minute!" Yugi interjects. "Who said anything about you dying?"

"I've planned this all out, Yugi! You and I would then continue to date through high school, and then we pick the same college. We go to college together, and then when we're in our final year, I'll propose to you on a moonlit boat ride."

"This is getting weirdly specific," Yugi mumbles, looking down at his shoes. "And why are you now talking like it is going to happen? What happened to the hypotheticals?"

Ryou continues to ignore him. "And then we're engaged for a year and a few months, all for the preparations for the wedding. It's going to be a beautiful wedding, Yugi."

"Oh, my god," Yugi moans.

"It's going to be a beautiful white wedding, and my dad will walk me down the aisle, and onii-chan will be my best man, and Atem-senpai will be your best man."

Yugi is about to respond, but then he realizes the futility of it. Ryou is off in his own world of play pretend.

"And then you and I will scrape our money together and move in together. We're going to buy three dogs: Stiller-chan, Rogen-chan, and Ferrell-chan."

"Did—did you name our supposed dogs after your favorite American actors?" Yugi asks.

"Yes," Ryou replies plainly, as if it were the most obvious choice in the world. "We're going to have a summer home in the Hamptons."

"Hamptons?"

"They're located in New York, Yugi," Ryou snaps, rolling his eyes at Yugi's ignorance. "God, Yugi, read a book. You're going to have to brush up on your English, obviously, since we'll be spending our summers there, but that's years from now. We'll renew our wedding vows on my thirty-first birthday in the Hamptons, and then we'll live the rest of my days there until I succumb to my sickness."

Ryou finally stops his ranting, leaving Yugi staring at him in what is now awkward silence.

Yugi shifts his weight equally onto both of his feet so he stands firmly on the ground. He inhales slowly through his nose, then exhales. "I have just one question."

"Yes, Yugi?"

"What the hell are you going on about dying at age thirty-one?" Yugi snaps.

"My dad told me a long time ago that I was going to die then," Ryou responds calmly, strangely peaceful for a boy who believes that he'll die in fifteen years.

"He did."

"Yes."

"Did he say why? How?"

"Well, you see, my great-, great-, great-, great-, great-grandfather had this disease that lay dormant for years until he died at thirty-one. The doctor told my dad that I had the same disease. He found it when my dad brought me in for a checkup."

"Your doctor found a dormant disease inside you one day during a checkup."

"Yes."

"Did you ever hear your doctor tell this to your father?"

"No. But then again the doctor told my dad when I was two, so clearly that was too early in my life for me to remember."

"Uh-huh," Yugi replies skeptically. "And when did your father tell you this horrible news?"

"When I was four years old and he canceled my birthday party."

"Why did he cancel your birthday party?" Yugi asks, eyes narrowing.

"Well, onii-chan and I got some scissors and we gave each other hair cuts. My dad didn't like that," Ryou replies, strangely okay with sharing this information.

"He canceled your birthday party because you and your older brother cut each other's hair."

"Yeah, and then, to teach us a lesson, he had us keep up with those hair cuts for several years. After a while, it stopped being a punishment and just became normal."

"That's why your hair looks like that?"

"Yes."

"Because your father punished you, and you got used to it."

"Mm-hm."

Yugi stares at Ryou critically for several seconds, and Ryou stands there, staring back at him with a glazed over look in his eyes. Yugi licks his lips and says, "Well, Ryou, I understand you a lot better now. Now, I gotta go. I'll see you at school."

Yugi turns around and starts to walk off, leaving Ryou behind.

"Yugi, wait!" Ryou screeches from behind.

"I don't think so, Ryou!"

"Yugi! If you don't come back this instant and promise to go out with me again, I'll tell the NRA that the bunnies from Bunny Island voted for Obama-sama. Twice!"

Yugi spins on his heel. He raises his eyebrow in confusion. "NRA? Bunny Island? Obama-sama?"

Ryou takes in a breath. "Obama-sama is the president of America."

"I know that, Ryou," Yugi says through clenched teeth. "And don't call him Obama-sama."

"But it rhymes!"

Yugi sighs. His head drops so it hangs limply between his shoulders. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing. In, two, three, four; out, two, three, four. Yugi opens his eyes and looks back up at Ryou. "Okay," he says, with forced placidity. "Whatever, Ryou. But what's the NRA? Why would you tell them that bunnies from Rabbit Island voted for a man to be president?"

Ryou inhales and says, "The NRA is an acronym for the National Rifle Association. They're a bunch of people in America who like guns."

"Well, they are Americans," Yugi says dryly.

"God, Yugi!" Ryou exclaims, staring at him crossly. "Way to generalize a whole nation."

"I think making fun of America for being gun crazy is one of the tamer criticisms I could make," Yugi replies crisply.

Ryou scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Anyway, Yugi, the NRA is made up of people who are into guns. These are the type of people who let their children walk around in public with rifles strapped to their backs."

Yugi shudders at the idea of seeing little kids holding dangerous weapons.

"Anyway, the NRA is also made up of people who really hate Obama-sama. They really, really hate him, Yugi."

"Gotcha. They hate Obama."

"With the way they talk, you'd think all of America's problems come from him."

"Hah!" Yugi laughs sarcastically.

"So if I tell the NRA that the bunnies from Bunny Island voted for Obama-sama for his election and re-election—they can vote their presidents into office twice—they'll wipe out the bunny population on Bunny Island."

Yugi stares at Ryou weirdly. "You mean to tell me that some gun crazy people are gonna believe that rabbits traveled across the world to vote for some other nation's president?"

"Yes."

"What makes you think they'll believe you? How could anybody be so gullible that they'd believe that a bunch of rabbits could get onto a plane, travel to America, and be allowed to vote in an election? Is there even an airport for Rabbit Island? I don't think there is!"

Ryou laughs loudly, shaking his head at him. "Oh, Yugi, Yugi," Ryou says condescendingly, smiling at him like one would a child who'd said something nonsensical. "These are the kind of people who will believe that transparent, green nighttime capsules are 'green' bullets—that means safe for the environment—that scientists made so the U.S. military can be more eco-friendly. They hated that idea. And if there's one thing that type of people hate more than Obama-sama, it's being eco-friendly. Hell, if you call anything 'green,' they're likely not to use it."

"How the hell do you know all of this?"

"I spend a lot of time on the internet, Yugi."

"Clearly," Yugi says flatly. "Well, excuse me if I don't believe you."

Yugi turns back around and continues on his way.

"It's gonna be all your fault, Yugi! So many bunnies are gonna die because of you!"

"Eat a dick, Ryou!"

"Noooo!" Ryou wails, but Yugi refuses to stop or look back at him. "You're ruining my fifteen year plan, Yugi! The fifteen year plan, Yugi! The fifteen year plan! Bunny Island!"

Yugi rolls his eyes dramatically and rounds a corner, leaving Ryou behind to rant to the open air.

* * *

Ryou scowls and let loose a long, shrill shriek after Yugi is long gone. "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" His face twists into a look of unbridled rage as he grabs fistfuls of his hair. "Yuuuuugiiiiii!"

How can Yugi leave him like that, after such a perfect first date? Ryou had done everything right! He'd opened doors for him, paid for his movie ticket and his overpriced dinner, provided transportation, and this is how Yugi repays him?

"Eeeeeeee!" Ryou screams once again.

"Yuuuuugiiiiiiiiiiii! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" he squeals as he hops up and down in his frustration, having to channel his pent up rage somehow.

"You don't understand what you're walking away from, Yugi!" Ryou screeches to the heavens, still holding onto his hair, panting from the physical exertion. "I would be the _perfect_ boyfriend, and you're willing to give that up! What is wrong with the world?"

Ryou, panting like a horse, stomps over to his scooter and jams his helmet onto his head. "I'll show him," he growls under his breath, getting onto the scooter and starting the engine. "Yugi doesn't want to love me. Well, fine. Let him make the worst decision of his life!"

Ryou guns the engine and speeds off well beyond the speed limit, his little scooter whirring loudly.

Ryou scowls and grits his teeth as he looks ahead. "Stupid! So, so stupid," he mutters.

Ryou passes a few blocks and then comes across a cluster of school children playing in the street.

"Get out of the way!" Ryou screams at the top of his lungs, startling the children and making them wail in fright as he barrels toward them. The children scatter, barely missing Ryou as he continues at his same speed. Ryou ignores their sobs as he continues on his way, pressing for home.


End file.
